Sometimes I feel the need to justify why I am positive. Sometimes I even apologize for it. Nobody has asked me to do this, it is really something that I have taken on myself, on my own will. Truthfully, I sometimes feel guilty for trying to live a positive life. It has caused me to reflect on my life and share what has led me to brand myself as Positively Sue.
I like to think that my journey of positivity began in utero. Picture it: I’m floating in a warm sea of water, being carried around for 9 months with all dietary needs met and no outside stressors. Why did I not stay there? What was I thinking?
I grew up being raised by a strong single mother for my first eight years of life because my biological father had better things to do. I am grateful though for his sense of humour and Italian features I inherited.
Then came my step-father around the age of 9, who I consider my dad and I have the utmost respect for. He is a wonderful man who legally adopted me at 16. It wasn’t an easy journey from ages 9-18, when I witnessed alcohol abuse and wife assault too often.
But here is the good news … I can truly say I am grateful for those 9 years. If the magic Jeannie came by and said I can take it all back, I would say no thank you. Now if she came by and said I can give you Botox, a tummy lift and collagen injections, I’m in! It seems these years were grooming me for what was ahead … more stressful moments, years of them actually.
As a child, I always had the outlook that things were going to get better. I managed to still have many fun times and celebrations during those years despite some really traumatizing events. You can still have shit happening in your immediate family but have Sunday dinner together, celebrate occasions, laugh and have fun. Real legitimate fun. The difference is you sometimes had to look for it harder or make the happiness happen but it was there. There was always light at the end of the tunnel for me and it happened. The drinking stopped and we healed as a family. I learned through these years that life goes on and will get better despite challenging times.
Jump ahead to my daughter’s birth … long story short – she spent 2 years in hospital, had multiple surgeries, many near-death close calls and the list goes on. I was grateful for the resiliency I gained in those early years of my life as a child and the ability to see the light side of things. Seeing your daughter’s heart beat after open heart surgery, although super scary, will give you a greater appreciation for life. At least it did for me.
Even in my darkest times with her, I knew it would get better and it did. Will there be dark times ahead? I have no doubt. Is that me being negative? No, it’s me being real yet positive knowing I will get through these challenges. I sometimes say to people in my justification of who I am, “I am not Pollyanna you know? I have bad days too.” Then I decided to go to some deeper research on Pollyanna as I was not as educated on her story as I thought I was. It turns out that I am more like her than I thought. Pollyanna had some hard times and some down times but stayed true to who she was – an Optimist. It was always part of her. She was true to herself and I say good for her.
So, I would like to introduce you to Positively Sue.
- I am Optimist
- I do have bad days
- I have sad days
- I am sensitive to what people say to me
- I internalize stuff often
- I see a vibrant future
- I get angry
- I get hurt
- I do dream of Botox
- People disappoint me
- I love Bling
- The news is too negative for me
- I love Tony Robbins and Dr. Wayne Dyer
- I love life
- I am loyal to a fault sometimes
- I am waiting for the manual on how to raise my children, my amazing children
- I am not always as attentive as I could be as a wife
- I love being a working mom
- I am an effective strong advocate for children’s’ rights
- I swear
- I love the women in my life
- I have a fear of flying
- I have struggled with unsuccessful weight loss my whole life
- I believe that for every negative you can find two positives and I live this
- I will listen to you if you are having a bad day and not ask you to be positive, I promise
- I know being positive can be hard to do
- I believe all things happen for a reason, sometimes we don’t know why but eventually we see it
- I am a work in progress and probably will be for the rest of my life
- I am real……
P.S. I am Positively Sue.